Mark 10:2-12 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”
Context: Marriage in the ancient world, at least among the vast majority of social strata, was primarily a means of ensuring families' economic stability and social privileges (by creating both offspring and inter-family alliances). A woman's sexuality was essentially the property of her father, then of her husband. By speaking of a man committing adultery against a woman (and not against her father or her past or present husband), Jesus implies that adultery involves more than violating the property rights of another man. It concerns accountability to a partner, just as marriage does.
So ... Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? There were two rabbinical schools of thought on the subject. The liberal school of Hillel allowed divorce for almost any reason, while the conservative school of Shammai allowed divorce only if adultery was involved. The question was raised with the underlying Jewish assumption that men divorced women. The Greeks and Romans that surrounded them also allowed women to divorce men.
The Pharisees were looking for ways to twist Jesus up in his words. Jesus asked the Pharisees what Moses had said on the subject of divorce. (See Deuteronomy 24:1) Later he pointed to God's original intent for male-female relationships -- that the two would become one. (See Genesis 2:24) Privately, to his disciples, Jesus spoke more directly: If either a man or a woman divorces and remarries, he or she commits adultery (see Mark 10:10-12).
Going Deeper: How difficult it is to address divorce without, on one hand, condemning people for having problems living their life, or on the other hand, making divorce seem unimportant and irrelevant. There is a balance and a fine line to walk in today's world with so much brokenness in family units resulting in great pain in the lives of men, women, and children.
So ... how should we address divorce? Perhaps the passage isn't really so much about divorce as it is God's plan for creation. In the center of this passage, Jesus directs us to God's vision for humanity. "God made them male and female ... and the two are united into one." God's plan is wholeness of person, couple, and family. With his strong words, Jesus encourages us to work diligently to preserve the wholeness of the family and to prevent the pain that emerges from broken families as we find his strongest words against those who initiate divorce as a means to get something else, sacrificing a spouse to satisfy one's desires or ambitions.
Regardless of the original purpose and context of this passage, it must be acknowledged that this text has been a "text of terror" for many women and men who are in marriage with a violent, addicted, or otherwise abusive, destructive, or self-destructive partner, situations where mediation and counseling may be unjust or entirely ineffective. In a broken world, divorce is sometimes necessary. People who are hurting from the sting of divorce or who seem to be falling into the trap of our culture's allure surrounding divorce need much from the church community in the way of support, interpretation, guidance, and compassion.
Pondering: Marriage has changed greatly. Today, marriage is less about economics and more about people seeking mutual fulfillment. Yet as we view this passage from a different angle, we find a more positive, less self-centered way of approaching marriage and family life in difficult times. I am encouraged to take the time to look at God's vision for healthy relationships rather than my own limited vision of what I think might make me and/or others happy.
What are your thoughts about God's vision for wholeness and healthy relationships? Can God heal a dead marriage if the two persons involved desire healing and wholeness? Does God still make provisions for our hard-heartedness? Are two people actually ever united into one when marriages fail and divorce runs rampant? In our individualistic culture, have we lost the sense of what unity in marriage is all about? As you ponder this passage ... where does it draw you? Are there words or images that resonate with you? Are there words or images that you feel resistance to?
A Marriage Prayer: Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving, and for hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as to forgive. Dear God, we put our marriage into your hands. Amen.
You can find this prayer and many others at http://www.prayer-and-prayers.info
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